I’m Feeling Shit was the first proper rap track I wrote. I wrote the first verse when I was in a bad place mentally as a cathartic form of trying to deal with the pressure I was feeling and the constant bombardment of my own mind from different directions that I had felt at various times throughout my life.
Originally the track was all going to be depressing but when I started to make real headway with the writing, and by that time I’d also done some counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy to help give me some thinking techniques, I felt so relieved and energised that the song took a completely different euphoric twist, as you’ll hear if you give it a listen! It ended up a nice piece of art.
It was also my first time creating and editing a video, my friend Connor and I went up to Ilkley moor and got all the shots within a couple of hours, getting really lucky that we had everything from a snowstorm to a warm sunset in that time. I was so psyched for it that when I got home I stayed up all night editing the video and released it the next day.
The track has been popular and listened to worldwide in over 50 countries and it’s had over 20k combined streams. More importantly for me a lot of people have got in touch with me to say it resonated with them. I felt vulnerable putting an introspective track like this out there so it’s rewarding that I’ve been able to help a few people with it.
My favourite line:
“I’m tripping up thinking of giving up grip on the vision that’s getting me by”
Well I’ve been watching from my window every night
Been plucking up the courage to get up and win the fight, well I’ve been
Watching and waiting I’ve been hating I’ve been breaking
I can’t sleep my soul is tired now my eyes are aching, body’s shaking
Deliberating everybody’s always snaking and the problems I’ve been facing can’t escape the way my veins are quaking
My anger’s raging at the made up situations overtaking the berating and the heartbreaking my mind’s creating
I suddenly think to myself that everything I ever knew was a lie,
Im flipping the lid on my life and I’m waving it off and I’m kissing goodbye
Fake smiling and whiling away all the time with a tear and a sting in my eye
I’m tripping up thinking of giving up grip on the vision that’s getting me by
No longer expressing myself, or dressing myself or trying to try
The messing is getting me stressing I’m barely addressing the what or the why
Regressing retreating oppressing my blessing and guessing and hoping to die
Each session progressing my lessons undressing the feelings that are making me cry
I’m feeling shit. Oh ohhh I’m feeling, shiiit
And I need to improve this bit but I’m feeling shit.
Oh yeah I’m feeling shiiiiit,
I’m feeling, I’m feeling, I’m feeling, I’m feeling
I’m feeling like a man who’s never done anything right, my hands are sweaty and my chest is getting tight.
I just don’t know if I can make it through the night
I’m hoping to get a smoke in but I cannot find the light
You know I remember all the times when things were just ok,
There was nothing on my mind and nothing stuck in my way,
It’s killing me being forgotten and feeling so rotten,
I know that I’m stuck in the pattern of hearing my demons and wasting my breath when I’m hoping and praying to keep them at bay.
Knock, knock, there’s nobody there at the door
I’ve finally got to the point where I couldn’t care less and it gives me more peace than before
I’m starting to say, it’s going my way, I feel like I’m swimming ashore,
Been shying away, from feeling ok, I’m ready to try and explore
That maybe just maybe there’s hope and I can do what I want tiI get what I want from my soul and my mind cos I’m feeling the pressure descend and I’m finding it hard to ignore,
I’m stripping it back and embracing the hate and the pain and deciding I’m here and I’m driving the ride and I’m living in time and not leaving it up to the luck of the draw,
Yeah, I’m feeling better oh yes I’m feeling, good
I’m feeling, I’m feeling, I’m feeling pretty good.
Oh yes I’m feeling good, I’m feeling, I’m feeling, I’m feeling pretty good
Word! That’s a rap!
Thanks for reading!
I’m always happy to talk about music so if you have any questions please get in touch.