Nothing But Regrets

Nothing But Regrets was born out of wanting to challenge myself and was the first conceptual track that I wrote. It’s from the point of view of a dying man who feels like he wasted his life. I drew from some of my own insecurities and channelled the innate fear of witnessing time relentlessly roll on.

Nothing But Regrets Cover

I wanted this track to showcase my technical rapping skills, the bulk of the song comes in at 5.5 words per second and it took some practice to get right. I’m love listening to fast rappers with a message like Eminem and Twista, but I believe there’s no point in just rapping fast for the sake of it if you’re talking nonsense so I wanted to make sure there was a solid story which kept its integrity.

Although it seems like a depressing track, I thoroughly enjoyed writing it and I enjoy rapping it even more – the bars come thick and fast without much time to think or breathe, so it feels amazing to be on top of the beat and rapping it from memory, it’s a great one to perform live.

My favourite line:

“The executioner the judge and the jury, punching with the power of a manic Tyson Fury, sentencing me to a life of misery I should’ve thrown in the white towel to end it prematurely.”

What’s yours?

Lyrics

Here it is, the end. 

Alone without a friend, and looking back on a life where I never took my chances, my heart wasn’t in it.

There was the odd smile, the odd laugh, but I never enjoyed one minute.

Never had a job, never travelled, no sign of a wife,

No children, never had a hobby, never experienced life

Now I’m dying and soon I’ll be crashing out of a world that I barely even tasted,

A whole lifetime wasted. 

I’ve been sitting here and wondering what happened to the time,

I had a feeling that forever wasn’t real and now it’s here and looking at me like a figure in the mirror

Getting bigger coming nearer to my heart and lungs.

Everything I didn’t do is occupying and I’m sighing as I’m trying to avoid the trap of buying into anything

I’m crying at supplying all the lying and denying underlying shit when I was young

All the springs that have been sprung,

All the spins that have been spun,

All the stings when I’ve been stung,

Now you know I know I never should’ve bit my tongue.

And now I’m reeling cos I’m dealing with the feeling of the ceiling crashing in on me

Because I know that usually it’s never how it used to be

And universally you could’ve filled a million parks up with the swings I’ve swung.

I should’ve focussed on the future not the past,

But every day I knew it could’ve been my last,

I had to keep up with a place that was changing at the pace of Mo Farah in a race and it ran too fast.

All the situations I’ve been through,

All the knowledge that I wish I never knew,

All the times that I looked at the glass there was someone looking back but I didn’t know who.

Half of the time my mind was off grid,

If I’d have took it any deeper I’d be swimming with the squid,

Praying for a saviour and feeling like a failure

Well life’s too short when you live it like I did.

All the years that I only had my pillow,

All the weeks I was weeping like a willow

I was crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside and bumbling through like a hairy armadillo.

Did I ever try hard enough? 

Did I ever even have it that rough?

Was I doomed from the start?

Did I ever have a chance?

Was the voice in my head too tough?

Shaming myself and flaming myself

I’ve been living in the gutter cos I’m blaming myself,

Being in a hurry to be dealing with the worry,

When I’m looking at the map I’m going down the wrong road 

Wishing that the people that I cared about could help me

But my heart was too proud and my head was in the clouds,

If I ever tried to speak up from within I got the trembles on my skin, I might as well have been talking in code.

In the moments that it mattered did I ever have the courage to be present?

Did I ever want to flourish?

My resent was always there, I thought I didn’t really care but backing out and saying nothing was my default mode

I never thought that I would live in so much sorrow,

I never even thought I’d live to see tomorrow

I never bothered with beginning to be living,

Never grinning, never winning, I was slinging mud and sinning

Cos I never knew how, but the game is over now,

That’s a promise not a threat, I’ve got nothing but regret,

I was waiting to awaken, I was shaken and forgiving was a gift I could have taken that I didn’t even borrow.

The executioner the judge and the jury,

Punching with the power of a manic Tyson Fury,

Sentencing me to a life of misery I should’ve thrown in the white towel to end it prematurely.

But instead I let it rot like a tree,

My inner monologue was suffocating me

If I could pick, it wasn’t what I’d wanna be

In a life that was plagued by despondency I was stuck.

It was anything but great, never was it ever too little too late but I stopped.

I wrote my own fate, destiny’s here to take me on a date and I’m down.

All hope is gone, no more need to try to hold on and I’m glad,

To say my goodbyes to everything I never had.

The End

Thanks for reading!

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I’m always happy to talk about music so if you have any questions please get in touch.

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